Thursday, May 2, 2013

[CMND + Z]

I've been spending a lot of time in Adobe world lately. It's a bit of a dream land, the layers of its impeccable order and logic making possible such flights of fancy. Or at least streamlined photo-editing. (Pictures in this post have little to no contextual significance, be advised.)


My favorite thing about it is how infinitely mutable it is, it relieves the pressure of error. You can build an entire structure from the ground up and then go in and futz with the foundation, change the furniture,  the size of the windows, dimensions of the walls, and put it all back. Then back again. Then in triplicate. It's rather seductive and so unlike reality. How many times have I thought to go for the [CMND + Z] (keyboard shortcut for Undo) in real life and been momentarily disoriented and then peeved that it's not there. Stuff those words back in my cheeks. Step down in a different place. Unbreak my favorite mug. Cut my hair longer again. Whoops.


Those are just the frivolous things, it doesn't bear listing the grief we could save. There are all kinds of important and grave reasons that we cannot have a redo or reset button on our decision-making, things having to do with developing personal accountability, reasoning, circumspection, thoughtfulness, respect, character, humanity, all that. But maybe, you know, just once in a while a quick and painless keystroke here and there. What could it harm?


Some things I would [CMND + Z]: joining in heartless laughter when I was eight. Giving up ballet, then gymnastics, then taekwondo, then swimming, then piano, then voice (even if I was crap at it). Not wearing a helmet that day I broke my head. Not even applying to every top university I could think of back when my academic record gave me a real chance of getting in on scholarship. Waiting for ages any time I already knew how I needed to act. Others, too personal or pathetic or boring to list, countless thoughtless words or times patience ran out, usual human stuff. But here we are, here I am, in large part the products of our choices, for better or worse.


Choice is a big theme for me (ha, Hello Friday Favorites!), and has been all my life. In this last year of my third decade, as a single mom of two darling and growing little people, I am all the more conscious of the role it plays and the ways that I need to prepare my children. Which is a tricky thing since it's a bit of a firehose, it can so easily seem to direct you instead, throw you around and drench you and expend all your effort in the wrong places. But it is also the source of our power, the only thing that we truly have any control over, and that is no small thing. I love being able to choose, even when the results gang aft aglay.


Cheers, friends, thanks for choosing to visit.

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